


Learning The Hard Way

by SuseliebeSuse



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Fighting Sickness, No character death!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuseliebeSuse/pseuds/SuseliebeSuse
Summary: Sometimes, you have to learn the hard way...Set after Season 12 with Hank being 5 years old. NO character death, I promise!





	1. Chapter 1

Derek was watching his son, while the now five-year-old boy was playing with other children in the park. It was one of the first summer days this year, the sun was shining, and many people were around, enjoying the warmth. Derek smiled at the sight of the happy kids playing around. He loved Hank Spencer Morgan more than anything, he wouldn't want to miss this boy in his life anymore. His son brought so much happiness to Derek's life since the moment he was born.  
Being married to Savannah hadn't worked out, not to Derek's surprise, they would get divorced next month. But they agreed that Derek could see his son whenever he wanted. Honestly, that was all he would need, seeing his son. That would be almost every day, even if the boy would live with his mom and her new boyfriend. Derek had to admit, he wanted Hank with him, but it was better this way. Hank needed his mom and Derek would take his turn with Hank, whenever Savannah was at work.  
Lost in thought, he almost missed the ringing of his phone. In the last moment, he pulled it out of his pants.  
JJ was calling.  
Derek frowned and accepted the call.  
"Hey JJ, long time no hear. What's the matter?" He asked, curious what the blonde woman wanted. Derek hadn't heard from her or his other old teammates for a while, they all had their own lives. Like him. But yet, he missed all of them every day, and he wanted to make it up to them.  
"Derek, I hope I'm not interrupting you with something," JJ greeted him.  
Her voice was tense.  
Again, Derek frowned.  
"No, I'm out in the park with Hank. What's wrong, JJ?"  
"It's Garcie...," JJ began, but quickly, Derek interrupted her, his heart suddenly pounding in his chest. When it came to his Baby Girl, Derek wasn't himself.  
"What happened, where is she? JJ..."  
"Derek, I'm trying to tell you, but you'll have to listen!"  
Derek sighed and nodded as he tried to calm himself down.  
"Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry....so what is it?"  
"It's bad. Really, really bad. Penelope, she needs you even if she doesn't admit it yet. Do you have some time for her?"  
Derek felt like his world was crumbling right in front of him. Was he about to lose the human who mattered most to him besides his son?  
"JJ, what's wrong with her?"  
"I can't tell you. Penelope asked me to don't tell you anything about it, but she didn't ask me for not calling you...Honestly Derek, she need's you now, more than ever."  
Derek slowly nodded, already planning on everything he had to do before he would drive to his Solace.  
"I'm on my way...where is she?"  
"She's home for now."  
"For now? JJ!"  
"No Derek. That's something Penelope has to tell you on her own. I'm glad you'll have some time for her. I'll be with her for the next two hours, then she'll be alone."  
Derek sighed and rose to his feet. He began pacing along the park, his eyes always on his son, who was still playing with his friends, unaware of what was going on with his dad.  
"I have to bring Hank to Savannah, pack some clothes...I'll be there in the evening."  
"Thank you, Derek. Really, I appreciate it, and I'm sure, Garcie will too. But what about Savannah? Won't she be mad at you if you go visiting Penelope?" JJ asked him seriously, and Derek snorted amusedly.  
"She won't care. Besides she isn't in the position to care. We're not together anymore, JJ."  
"What? Derek! For how long? Why didn't you tell me?"  
"I had to figure some things out, JJ. Hey, I'll be in Quantico for a few days at least, let's talk then alright?" He asked her and JJ agreed immediately. He was looking forward seeing his old friends again. JJ and Derek ended the call quickly so he could make his way to Quantico.  
Derek first brought Hank home to Savannah. He explained to Hank why he wouldn't be able to see him for the next few days.  
"Can I come with you, visiting auntie Penelope?" Hank asked him hopefully, but Derek refused.  
"She's ill, but when she's better, I promise I take you with me so you can see her, alright?"  
"Okay, dad! But tell her I love her so so much."  
Derek smiled at his son through the rearview mirror, who was showing his dad how much indeed he loved his godmother.  
"Of course! That'll make her happy."  
Hank smiled the whole way to Savannah. That little boy loved his godmother more than anything. Derek understood it excellently, he loved her too.  
Knocking at the front door, Derek waited until his soon to be ex-wife would come. Savannah opened the door a few moments later and greeted their son.  
"Savannah. I can't pick up Hank from the kindergarten tomorrow, and I think I won't be able to see him until the weekend. JJ called me..."  
"Oh, I thought, your Baby Girl called you!" Savannah hissed, not even listening to his words. Derek sighed, he really tried to remain calm, but Savannah didn't make it easy for him. Like always when he began talking about his old teammates, especially his Baby Girl. Derek didn't understand her behavior. He'd done nothing in the past to make her feel like she had to fight for her position at his side. Hell, Derek had even married her, she'd carried his son, they'd lived together. Derek didn't understand, what he'd done wrong in the past.  
"No Savannah, it was JJ. But it doesn't matter now. I'll call you to tell you when I pick up Hank next time. Bye."  
He kissed and hugged his son goodbye and left without another word to Savannah. Didn't matter what she was thinking about him, they weren't together anymore.  
Penelope needed him now, and Derek would do anything to help the only woman he'd ever loved but hadn't realized. Derek quickly drove to his small apartment and grabbed a few clothes to throw them into a bag. He didn't care what it was, his mind was already in Quantico with his best friend. When he'd finished packing, he headed to his old home, Quantico. The drive wasn't that long but felt like hours to Derek. He couldn't stop thinking about Penelope.  
What was wrong with her?  
He needed to know the sooner, the better. On his way to Penelope, he picked up some of her favorite flowers. She deserved an apology from him, that was for sure. He'd let her down for too long without explaining anything.  
Finally, in the evening, he pulled into a parking lot, in front of her apartment complex. Derek grabbed the flowers from the passenger's seat and his bag from the trunk. He then locked his car and headed toward her apartment, taking two steps at a time.  
God, he was nervous.  
When he finally knocked on her door, he felt his heart pounding in his chest.  
But nothing.  
JJ had told him Penelope would be alone at home, but Derek waited for a while before he tapped against the door again.  
He would have called out her name, but the lump in his throat was too big.  
He could have let himself inside her apartment, but he felt like he wasn't in the place for doing this anymore.  
They hadn't seen each other for more than a year.  
Yes, Derek had talked to Penelope from time to time, but it hadn't been the same. Savannah had thrown herself between them with her jealousy and Derek hadn't recognized it until it was too late. Accepting Penelope's calls to his cell and many other things, Savannah had done to his best friend had thrown them apart. Derek hadn't known about it until Spencer had told him how Penelope was suffering because of Savannah's vulgarities. Derek felt guilty for that behavior of Savannah. It was one of the reasons why he broke up with the mother of his first child.  
Another knock on the door, before he finally heard someone moving inside her apartment.  
"JJ, I told you I'm fine for the night, I really am. You don't have to come and check on me every five minutes. I will make it through the night perfectly without someone spoiling me! Alright?"  
Penelope's voice grew louder as she hushed towards the door. She was still talking when she finally opened the door. That hadn't changed, Derek thought as he eventually saw her standing in front of him.  
"You know, I'm supposed to rest, but if you come here every minute I won't get that rest and....oh..." Penelope stopped talking when she recognized, who was standing in front of her.  
Derek stared at her, suddenly speechless.  
Penelope was pale and much thinner than he remembered her. She wore no makeup. Her head was covered with a scarf. She wasn't wearing a beautiful dress which shaped her body perfectly. Instead, she was wearing a jogging suit. Never he'd seen his best friend like this. She looked at him with wide eyes, just like he was staring at her.  
"Baby Girl..."  
He felt like it took him hours to say these two words. Derek wanted to say something more, but Penelope's lips began to tremble, and a lone tear escaped her eye.  
"What are you doing here?" It wasn't more than a whisper.  
"JJ called me this afternoon and...," he started, but Penelope interrupted him.  
"You have to go, Derek, please. I cannot do this right now. I can't."  
Derek was stunned. Never, in these last fifteen years, they'd known each other, Penelope had asked him to go. It hurt him, yes, but with JJ's words still in mind, he shook his head.  
"I'm not going anywhere, Penelope," he answered, as stubborn as the woman in front of him. Now that he'd seen her, he didn't want to go, she was his life essence, his Solace and it was written all over her face that she didn't want him to leave even if she was telling him otherwise.  
"No, please, just go and leave me alone," Penelope said weakly, walking two steps back into her apartment. "I can't...."  
He walked a few steps closer to her and placed his bag on the floor. Penelope watched him doing this with big eyes. Derek could tell she was about to cry every minute, so he did, what he was always good at, he wrapped her in a loving Derek Morgan embrace.  
"Derek," Penelope whispered, melting into his arms the moment he cradled her against him, as she began to weep out of control. She held on him for dear life, grabbing his shirt with both her hands as she wrapped her own arms around him. And Derek did the same. He held her close to his body, rocking her back an forth as she wept bitterly.  
"I got you, Baby Girl," he whispered into her ear, placing a kiss on her scarf. It was then that he noticed, there was no hair under that scarf.  
Soon, Derek realized in which direction this was going.  
"It's bad." JJ's words ringing in his ear made him worry about Penelope while he held her in his arms. He would wait until Penelope would be ready to talk but he had an idea where this was going to.  
"Let's get you inside, alright?" She nodded, still clinging to his body as if he would run away. Derek held one arm around her, picked up his bag with the other, where he still was holding the flowers with. Slowly they headed back inside. Derek could almost feel how weak Penelope was as she sat down on the couch, with an ashen face. He placed the bag and flowers on the floor and sat down beside Penelope, grabbing her hand in an instant. Penelope closed her eyes but locked her fingers with his as she sighed. She was slightly trembling, her hands cold like ice. A bucket was standing beside the couch, a cup of tea on the table in front of them.  
Derek looked at Penelope again, realizing that she now was looking at their locked hands, while still, tears were streaming down her ashen face.  
"Baby Girl, talk to me," he whispered, squeezing her hand. She shook her head as a silent sob escaped her.  
"I can't...not now, please," she answered, wiping away her still prominent tears.  
"Okay. Not now. But I'm not going anywhere until you talked to me."  
She nodded slowly, accepting his words without a fight.  
"Hey, can you look at me?" He asked her softly. She again nodded and slowly turned her head to face him. Her red-rimmed eyes locked with his. Many more unshed tears were shining in her beautiful brown eyes.  
"I'm sorry Baby Girl," he said, his voice hoarse, suddenly full of emotion he hadn't recognized before. He lifted his hand to wipe away some tears with his thumb and Penelope closed her eyes. Swallowing hard, he watched her weak, exhausted expression for another moment until she opened her eyes again to face him.  
"I'm so tired Derek," she just answered, her eyelids heavy now, he could see it.  
"It's alright. I can wait until you've rested." She nodded slowly and removed her hand out of his, tried to rose to her feet. Penelope really was fragile, she had to try two times before Derek couldn't look at this anymore and helped her.  
"Let me help you, Baby Girl."  
"I'll need that bucket," she just answered, accepting his attempt to help her. While holding her firmly, he grabbed the bucket and slowly walked her over to her bed. Penelope sat down on it, and Derek helped her, lifting her legs onto the bed. She placed her head on the pillow. Exhaling a breath, she closed her eyes while Derek covered her with a blanket of hers.  
"That alright?" Penelope only nodded. She was so pale, her skin almost white against her colorful blankets and pillows all around her.  
"Sleep well, Baby Girl," he whispered after her breath became more regular. Derek hadn't realized she was awake before she weakly grabbed his palm with her cold hand.  
"Will you be here when I wake up?" She asked him, facing him.   
He nodded.   
Derek wouldn't go anywhere now. It was clear that Penelope would need him, not only in the next few days.  
"I promise, I'm not going anywhere."  
Relieved, Penelope tried on a half-smile, but she was too exhausted and closed her eyes again, loosening her grip on his hand.  
"Thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

Sleep didn't last long for Penelope. Not on the day of her treatment once a week. The day after it mostly too.   
She woke up, feeling nauseated. To her luck, the bucket wasn't far away as she puked into it two seconds later. Penelope felt like shit. The bucket fell with a loud thud to the ground as she let her head drop back onto her pillow. Cold sweat covered her forehead, Penelope let out a sigh but again, her stomach turned. Penelope almost didn't lift her head fast enough, and now she was laying on her side, breathing hard, trying to fight against nausea.   
Suddenly the light in the living room turned on, and Morgan appeared as he sat up on the couch he was supposed to sleep on.   
"Baby Girl are you alright?" He rose to his feet as he saw her laying on her side, breathing hard. She shook her head when again, her stomach turned and made her vomit. There hadn't been anything more in it than a few sips of tea. Once more, she began to gag, but nothing would come anymore. Penelope knew it was normal, but she hated this part of her treatment. She felt herself getting weaker with every week, and she hated it.   
The mattress beside her shifted a little which turned her attention back to Derek. He pulled the bucket out of her hand, to hold it for her while she was fighting with her urge to gag. His other hand quickly found her back where he stroke soft circles to help her relax somehow. Eventually, her body calmed down, nausea was getting less intense. Penelope sighed and decided to remain still for a few more moments. Her stomach ached now, and she felt like she was about to pass out even if she was laying. She felt the cold sweat on her forehead as she exhaustedly closed her eyes.   
The mattress beside her shifted again, and only seconds later she heard Derek walking to the bathroom where he emptied the bucket. She couldn't really focus on him as she tried to get back some of the control over her body. Penelope heard him again, placing the bucket next to her bed. He sat down beside her once more. A cold, wet cloth met her forehead a moment later, which made Penelope sigh. It felt good, very good and she relaxed a little bit more.   
"Thank you," she tried to say, but her voice was hoarse. Penelope wasn't sure if he had understood her.   
"What else can I do for you, Baby Girl? Do you have some medicine you can take? Or something else?"   
Penelope shook her head, she'd taken all the medicine she was allowed to for the day.   
"You're freezing, maybe a hot-water-bottle?"   
He just knew what she needed, some things never changed. So, Penelope nodded at his suggestion. She could take her time to calm down a little bit more while he was getting the hot-water-bottle ready.   
"I'll be right back, Baby," he whispered, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before he put the cloth there once more.   
It felt like seconds until he sat down beside her again. She must have fallen asleep while waiting for him. Penelope opened her heavy lids as she watched him. He'd also brought a cup with him which he placed on the nightstand before he put the hot-water-bottle under her blanket. Penelope shivered at the warmth which met her cold, freezing body.   
"Thank you." Her voice sounded better now as she looked at Derek again.   
"No thanks needed Goddess. I made some camomile tea for you, do you want a few sips?"   
"I think I can try...," she answered, unsure if her stomach would want some warm tea, but she knew she needed liquids now. Slowly she tried to sit up. Penelope was too exhausted, so Derek jumped in and helped her. He sat down on the mattress beside her, pulled her into his arm to steady her. Penelope couldn't be more grateful right now. She leaned her head against his shoulder and when he gave her the cup full steaming hot tea she held it between her hands to gain some more warmth. Penelope began feeling better a little bit, Derek's warmness was helping so much more to comfort her then Penelope wanted to admit. But tonight, she wanted to be selfish, she needed him, and he was more than willing to help her.   
"Little bit better now?" His deep calming voice sounded like heaven in her ears.   
"Yes, I feel better now," she answered honestly. Penelope tried a small sip of the tea and closed her eyes as the warm liquid ran down her throat. It felt good, but she knew she had to take it slow. Nausea could come back any second, she didn't trust her body enough these times.   
"Is it always like this?" He asked her then. Penelope shook her head slowly.   
"No. Just one or two times a week. Most of the times, I feel okay, just very tired and exhausted. I'm not hungry the whole time, but I cannot eat much anyway, it hurts too much" Penelope explained, feeling him caressing her upper arm up and down. She hadn't felt this safe in a long time. Penelope hadn't thought she'd need him so much at her side. He gave her so much strength and comfort at the same time. For this moment she was able to forget the loss of her hair she'd always been so proud of, or her hurting mouth and stomach. Penelope felt warm and comfortable in his arms.   
"Sounds not like fun."   
"No it's no fun in any way," she agreed, enjoying the closeness to her best friend and love of his life, after being apart for more than a year.   
"How long do you get this chemotherapy now?"   
Penelope tilted her head to look at him in surprise.   
"I thought JJ hadn't told you."   
"She didn't say a word, I swear, Baby Girl. I figured it out, my mom was a nurse. I often was at the hospital with her after my father's death."   
"Oh..."   
Derek smiled at her. It was a sad smile, she could tell. She observed him before she started talking.   
"Today was my fourth. I'm having the therapy for three weeks now."   
"Where are you affected with cancer?"   
"It's the colon. The doctor's think it's the only part of my body which is affected yet," Penelope answered honestly, carefully taking another sip of the tea.  "There might be some metastases, but I don't have the results by now."   
"When will you get them?"   
"Next week at the latest, when I'll have my next chemotherapy," Penelope explained. She closed her eyes for a moment and stifled a yawn. Penelope was already getting tired again. "If it's bad news, they'll call me earlier." It was always like that. Penelope could only hope it would get better with some time. That the doctors would be able to heal her. Penelope wasn't ready to die yet.   
"Baby Girl...why didn't you tell me?"   
She looked at him for another moment before she closed her eyes once more.   
"I couldn't Derek. It wasn't like we had much contact in the last time."   
Derek cradled her to his side and placed a kiss on the top of her head.   
"I'm sorry for this, Baby Girl. I didn't know what Savannah had done to you. I didn't even know that you tried to call me until Spencer had told me. I'm really, really sorry."   
"You didn't know?"   
Penelope was stunned and astonished. She, indeed, needed a moment to swallow this.   
"Who was the man then, laughing in the background?" Deep inside her, Penelope knew, Derek couldn't be that mean. It wasn't him. But Penelope had been hurt when Savannah, once more, had answered her call to Derek's cell and offended her.   
"I can't explain, just imagine that it was her new boyfriend," Derek answered, and now, Penelope was speechless. She opened her eyes to look at him. He was watching her with a slight smile on his lips.   
"We're not together anymore."   
Penelope frowned at these words. He'd asked her the same question she was asking him now.   
"Why didn't you tell me?"   
"Honestly? I had to figure so many things out. But I wanted to visit you this weekend when Hank would spend some time with Savannah."   
Penelope only nodded and stifled a yawn once again.   
"I'm sorry for this, Hot Stuff. You loved her..."   
"It's alright, Baby Girl. It's better this way."   
Derek pulled the cup out of her hands just at the moment she thought she couldn't hold the cup anymore. Penelope snuggled quite natural against him and placed her head on his chest.   
"I'm sorry...I'm so tired."   
"Rest, Baby Girl. We'll have enough time to talk in the morning."   
Penelope nodded slowly. Derek laid down with her and covered them both with her blanket. He then pulled her into his arms again.   
"I might have to puke again tonight," Penelope murmured, half asleep.   
"I don't care just one bit, Baby Girl. I'm here, and I'm going to help you through this."   
Penelope smiled weakly as she listened to his words before she fell back to sleep again.   
She was right to her words. Penelope woke up at least three times more, gagging and puking. Derek always helped her, holding her and the bucket when she wasn't able to do so anymore. This time was much worse than the three times before, and Penelope really was suffering a lot. She was glad, Derek was with her. Penelope wouldn't have been able to help herself after she'd woken up the second time. Penelope was fragile and exhausted. Once again, Derek was her Knight in shining armor, for coming to her just when she needed him most. Penelope had passed out several times during the night. Sadly it was just average, even if this time really was worse.   
But at one point, she fell into a deep sleep. She didn't realize Derek getting out of the bed, calling his mom for some advice. It was very late in the morning when she finally opened her eyes again. Still feeling exhausted, Penelope yawned and slowly sat up in bed. Yet, she felt nauseated, but it wasn't that bad this morning. Penelope somehow managed to get her legs out of bed, feeling dizzy. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to stand up alone, but she needed to relieve herself so badly. Just at the moment, she tried to rose to her feet, her view became blurry, dizziness was overwhelming, and Derek walked into the bedroom.   
"Baby Girl!"   
He was just in time to catch her from falling straight to the ground. Derek pulled her into his arms and held her close to his body until Penelope felt better.   
"I'm good, my legs were just giving out."   
"You're not good, Baby Girl and you know it. You're supposed to lay in bed and rest."   
"But I need to pee Mr. Hot and Sexy!"   
Derek chuckled and pulled her up into his strong arms with one move as he rose to his feet again.   
"Alright, that's an excuse," he said as he walked her to the bathroom. "But really Baby Girl, take it slow today and let me help you. You made me worry a lot tonight."   
Derek put her back on her feet again right in front of the toilet. He steadied her and looked into her eyes.   
"You alright here?" Derek asked as he observed her carefully. "I'll be right in front of the door."   
"Okay...I'll be okay," she answered silently, not really trusting herself, but she didn't want Derek to stay beside her while she relieved herself. Derek walked out of the bathroom and came back only minutes later when Penelope flushed the toilet and sat back down on the lit. She waited patiently for him. Still, Penelope felt dizzy and nauseous. To be honest, she needed Derek to help her, Penelope wasn't strong enough today. She felt weaker than all the weeks before and was so glad that she wasn't alone.   
Derek kneeled down in front of her, he smiled and pulled her hands into his.   
"I've got a light breakfast ready for you, Baby Girl," he told her, but just the mention of food made her feel worse.   
"I can't eat Derek," she whispered, swallowing hard to fight back nausea.   
"It's no food, Baby Girl, can you at least have a look at it? Your stomach needs something before you have to take your medicine."   
"I know," she nodded in agreement. For sure she would have a look at it, she so badly wanted to feel better, and she knew, eating was a big part of feeling better. If not her stomach turned at every mention of food, it would be so much better.   
Derek helped her rise to her feet and steadied her. Penelope leaned against him, let Derek steadied her while they slowly walked to the kitchen area of her apartment. He held her close, just in case she passed out again.   
Penelope sighed exhaustedly as she finally sat in front of the kitchen table.   
Derek waited a moment, his hands on her shoulders before he walked over to the counter and brought her a glass with...something undefinable. He placed it in front of her as he took the seat beside her.   
"With get well soon wishes from my mom, it's some kind of fruit smoothie, but it's light enough for your stomach. Want to give it a try?" Derek asked her hopefully as she sniffed at the glass. It smelled quite sweet and fresh, so, Penelope nodded slowly.   
"You called your mom?" She asked as she carefully took a sip from the glass and placed it back on the table. It tasted good, and despite her oral mucositis, thanks to her treatment it didn't hurt her mouth more.  
"Yeah, I thought she had some tips and tricks. She had many," Derek told her, smirking. Penelope smiled slightly and took another careful sip from her glass.  
"I hope it's okay I asked her."  
"Sure. It's no secret Handsome. That's so tasty, honestly. The first thing in weeks that doesn't make me feel more nauseous. Thank you, Derek. You're only here for a few hours and helped me so much. I don't know if I can make it up to you at some point."  
Derek wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed her a little.  
"You know what Baby Girl? I'm glad that I'm here, that JJ called me. I let you down over a year ago, I should have been here when you got the diagnosis. I should have been here for you. But I will make things up to you, that's a promise. You deserve so much more than you got from me. You're my Goddess my God-Given Solace I can't let you suffer on your own."  
With tears in her eyes, Penelope leaned her head against Derek's shoulder. It was too good to hear these words from him. She'd missed him utterly and had needed him at her side. But now, he was there and took care of her, that was more than she ever wanted.  
"You're forgiven, Handsome. You're here now, that's all that matters."


	3. Chapter 3

Derek helped Penelope to her couch where she wanted to take her pills for the day. She had begun to feel nauseous again before, so also, he brought the bucket from the night with him to the living room. Derek sat down beside his fragile Baby Girl after he'd made some tea and brought her a blanket.  
"What else can I do for you?" He asked her, watching her in concern. She was so pale and looking like she was about to throw up again, so quickly he grabbed the bucket. Derek was just in time.  
He held both, the bucket and Penelope while she like the night before was fighting the urge to gag and her nauseousness.  
"God, that's so awful," she murmured after she'd calmed down somewhat, leaning her head against his shoulder. He watched her as she exhaustedly closed her eyes. Derek held her while she rested, stroking calming circles with his hand on her upper arm. She repeated her actions a few times until she felt a bit better and finally could take her medicine.  
"Lay down for a while, Baby Girl, tomorrow it'll be better, just like you said tonight."  
"Oh I so hope, I'll be right with it," Penelope groaned and laid down, just like he suggested. "I can't stand just one more day my stomach hurts so much," she whispered, while Derek covered her with a blanket. Penelope checked on her head scarf before entirely laid down and tried to relax. Derek could tell she was ashamed of her bald head, but he personally didn't mind. If it was necessary to help her fight against her sickness, it was absolutely alright with him.  
Derek placed a tender kiss on her forehead before he put the bucket right in front of her and headed to the kitchen to get her a hot water bottle. He wanted her to feel at least a little bit better and tried his best to help her. Derek put the hot water bottle under the blanket and even if Penelope already was asleep, she grabbed the bottle and held it to her belly in her sleep.  
Just when he was about to sit down to watch her his cell began to ring. So, he walked away and answered the call without even looking at who was calling him.  
"Derek Morgan."  
"Why so formal, Derek?"  
"Savannah...what do you want? I told you I won't have time until next Monday at least."  
"Well...that's the matter, in fact. I need you for Hank this weekend. I won't have time for him from Friday until Sunday. The things...or whatever you're doing can't be more relevant than your only son, can't they?"  
Derek sighed. That was just a reason more he was lucky for not being together with her anymore. Sometimes, Derek couldn't even remember why he'd married her.  
"When do you want me to take him?"  
"You can take him from kindergarten on Friday and bring him back Sunday evening. I'll give him everything he needs to the kindergarten as well, so we just have to see each other on Sunday."  
"Yeah, sounds alright to me, see ya."  
Derek ended the call and almost threw his cell away in frustration. He was sure Savannah knew where he was and that was the only reason Derek would have to have Hank over the weekend.  
He groaned and paced through the room until Penelope's voice pulled him out of his frustrated pacing.  
"Derek?" Immediately, he calmed down and walked over to his best friend, who was watching him with concern.  
"You haven't slept that long, Baby Girl," he said and sat down on the couch in front of her. "It just has been a few minutes."  
"I heard you talking, do you have to leave?"  
Sad eyes were watching him after she'd asked her question, but Penelope also tried on a smile even if it didn't work.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you. No, I just have to have Hank over the weekend. It's Savannah's way of saying fuck you for going to Quantico. But I would bring him with me if you wouldn't mind? I don't want to leave you so soon."  
"I don't want you to leave either. But is it a good idea? Derek...look at me...," Penelope answered weakly putting her head back on the couch. "That poor boy will be afraid of me," she whispered in shame. Derek smiled sadly at Penelope. He knew he might feel the same, but still, he couldn't see anything, Penelope should be ashamed of.  
"No Baby Girl he won't. Hank wants to meet you so badly, he will be more than happy to see his godmother again," Derek answered, still smiling. He took her cold hand in his and slowly caressed it with his thumb. "I'll explain it to him, he won't be afraid of you, by the way, you're still looking fine to me."  
Penelope cracked a half-smile but snorted and shook her head in disbelieve.  
"Oh come on Hot Stuff, you can't mean that."  
"I do! I don't think I have seen you without make-up very often, but you look great with or without it."  
"Derek..."  
"I really do miss your hair, I bet you do too, but you don't look scary or ugly without them."  
Penelope looked at him, he could see the tears in her eyes.  
"You're a good liar," she whispered in response, averting her eyes to look at her cup of tea instead.  
"No, I'm honest with you, Penelope, trust me, I wouldn't lie to you," Derek answered while he squeezed her hand. He then brought her hand to his lips and tenderly kissed her knuckles.  
"Rest a little bit more, Baby Girl, you'll need it." Derek could see a lone tear escaping her eye and lifted his other hand to cup her cheek. Softly, he wiped away the tear from her cheekbone.  
"You don't have to decide yet, you're not feeling good. Think one or two nights about it, Baby Girl," he talked silently, tried to calm her with his words and Penelope nodded after a moment.  
"Okay, thank you," she whispered, before closing her eyes again.  
Derek sat beside her for a while until Penelope was asleep again. He held her hand and watched her exhausted form. Placing her hand on the couch, he covered her whole body with her blanket to keep her warm.  
Derek then decided to have something for dinner. He was relieved that Penelope was asleep, that was far better than vomiting. He looked into the fridge and decided he would drive to the next store after he'd had dinner. Just at that moment, the front door to Penelope's apartment opened, and JJ came in with two huge paper bags.  
"Hey!" She greeted him as he walked towards her to get the paper bags.  
"Hey JJ," he answered and placed the bags on the table. As soon as he turned around, JJ was in his arms to greet him with a big hug.  
"God, I missed you, Derek Morgan!"  
Derek wrapped his arms around the blonde woman.  
"Same here, JJ!" He answered as soon as they pulled away from each other.  
"How are you two doing? Where's Garcie?"  
"Good, we're doing good so far. Penelope is on the couch, fell asleep almost an hour ago," Derek explained silently looking at the sleeping form on the couch.  
"That's good, how was the night?"  
"Awful...man, I didn't know how bad this can be," Derek answered, gesturing to the kitchen table. He poured them a cup of coffee and sat down with JJ.  
"I told you it's severe. Penelope is suffering, and it's getting harder with every week. It's just you that can help her better than anyone of us and you know it."  
"Yeah, you did. Penelope passed out even if she was laying on the bed." He nodded, Derek knew accurately he was the one who was able to help Penelope as it's best. He knew her. Knew how to handle her. And Derek was more than willing to do this as long as it was needed.  
"I'm here as long as she wants me to be."  
"What about work?" JJ looked at him, it was a fair question, and he decided to answer it honestly.  
"I'm not working. I sold a few houses, some are rented, I don't have to work for now. I have a small apartment. Nothing much to spend money for, except Hank's with me, so I don't have to worry about it for now."  
"That's good news. I'm so glad you're here..."  
"Me too, I just wish I would've been here earlier."  
"She called you the day she learned she had cancer."  
Derek, astonished, looked at JJ.  
"What?"  
"Penelope called you. Savannah answered the call. I don't know what she said to Penelope, but it was mean enough to make her think she had to go through it without you."  
"She told me she hadn't called me because she couldn't talk about it...," Derek began. He was shocked and didn't know what to say at the moment.  
"Yeah...she was pretty hurt. I knew you wouldn't let her down. this was all about your wife..."  
"Ex-wife JJ. I told you we're not together anymore. I heard her talking to a friend about how she'd offended Penelope. She was laughing about it. Penelope didn't deserve this. I couldn't be together with a woman full of jealousy. I've married her, she could have been so happy, but for one reason I still don't know she wasn't. Savannah has a new man at her side, but still, she's jealous. I don't understand why."  
"I do."  
Derek looked at JJ. He wanted to know what the blonde woman meant. But somehow Derek didn't want to know. Suddenly he was nervous for no reason. JJ grinned at him.  
"But it's going to be my secret for another while. I don't like what Savannah has done to Penelope. And I'm honestly glad that she can't bother her now anymore. It was pretty hard for Garcie, she thought Savannah and she were some kind of friends."  
"I thought that too. Penelope has been visiting her so often when I wasn't at home, or before I was there, I thought they would share a pretty good friendship. Until I heard how she was talking about Penelope."  
They'd had a big fight that evening, Derek had heard how Savannah had talked about Penelope. And from that day on, things hadn't gone well between them anymore.  
"Savannah thought I was overprotective of Penelope. I think I'm not. It's just that she doesn't deserve this."  
JJ nodded her head in agreement and tilted her head to watch Penelope's sleeping form on the couch.  
"I do hope the therapy will work out well. Penelope has to fight, and at some point last week she stopped fighting for no reason. Penelope didn't say anything, but she just quit. I think you being with her is giving her much needed strength back."  
"I hope so."  
Derek was looking at Penelope too when she began to stir on the couch. He and JJ rose to their feet and walked over to the living area of Penelope's bright apartment. Derek sat down on the couch in front of Penelope, JJ on an armchair.  
"Hey Baby Girl," Derek said slowly as Penelope opened her eyes again. She cracked a half-smile and yawned. "You have a visitor."  
"Hey, Garcie!"  
"Jayjie, good to see you," Penelope slowly tried to sit up, but failed immediately. Derek jumped in quickly to help her into a sitting position.  
"Thanks, my Chocolate Adonis," Penelope whispered as she finally was sitting and able to look at him without feeling dizzy. Derek moved his arm protectively around her shoulder, just in case and Penelope thankfully leaned into the warmth of his body.  
"How are you doing today, Garcie?" JJ asked as soon as Penelope was ready. Derek just listened to the friends while he held Penelope in his arm.  
"I'm a bit better today, but last night was awful. I haven't felt this bad before."  
"I'm sorry to hear that...can I do something for you?"  
"Uhm..actually, no. Or I don't know what you could do. Derek has some Fran Morgan magic working here...," Derek smiled a little at these words.  
"Okay, whatever, whenever you just call me alright?"  
"Sure, Blondie. When didn't I the past weeks?" Penelope asked her best friend, while Derek just kept listening to the women, holding Penelope in his arm.  
"Sure...I just have to say it from time to time. You know me."  
"Alright, alright! But honestly, I'm good for now."  
"Okay, I'm glad to hear that. I'll have to go, pick up Henry and Micheal but I'll come and see you two tomorrow."  
Derek felt Penelope's head nodding in agreement.  
"Give my lovely godson a kiss from Auntie Penelope," she said, Derek could almost hear the smile in her voice.  
"You bet I do that. Our teenage boy will hate it," JJ joked which caused Penelope to chuckle in amusement.  
"Oh yeah, he's so grown up," she agreed. Derek realized how much he'd missed in the last year. There had been a time when he would have known all these things too. He also realized then, he wanted to be a part of his old work-family again. Derek would do anything to make it up to all of them.  
"Okay you two lovebirds, I see you tomorrow!" JJ rose to her feet and pulled both, Derek and Penelope in a huge embrace.  
"If you need something, let me know, I can pick it up on my way tomorrow."  
"We'll do that, thank you Jayjie."  
"No thanks needed Garcie! Bye!"  
JJ left the apartment and closed the door behind her. Penelope fully leaned into him as soon as JJ was gone.  
"Hey, you ok?" Derek asked slowly, holding her in his arms. Penelope slowly nodded.  
"I'm okay, just exhausted. But I feel better than this morning."  
"I'm so glad to hear that, Baby Girl."  
Derek placed a tender kiss on her headscarf the same time he squeezed her softly. Penelope slowly wrapped her arms around his waist and sighed.  
"That feels too good to be true," she whispered, absolutely enjoying the closeness of their bodies. Just like Derek did.  
"It is true, Penelope. I'm with you every step of the way as long as you want me to."  
"Then you better pack your bag, Hot Stuff, because I can never let you go anymore!"  
Derek chuckled and felt something inside him, he hadn't known with any woman before. This feeling was overwhelming and warmed his heart so much he almost felt like he couldn't breathe anymore: love


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Penelope indeed felt better. She'd slept through the whole night without getting sick. So, in the morning she actually thought she felt good. Yes, her stomach hurt a little, but that was normal after the past two days. And yes, she still felt weak, BUT yet, she felt good. Laying in Derek's strong arms made everything half as evil as it actually was. It was just what she'd needed. Penelope realized that now as she snuggled to his side, inhaling his precious scent. She loved him. Did that for a long, long time now. Indeed until the moment, he'd called her Baby Girl for the first time. Derek was her Chocolate Adonis, her Knight in shining armor and the love of her life.  
Derek was with her he gave her strength. Penelope couldn't be more grateful for what he did. Sighing, she enjoyed the closeness to him, the feeling of his arms around her waist, the warmth of his body, his natural scent. Penelope smiled a little as she felt him stirring a little.  
"You alright?" He murmured, still half asleep. Penelope slowly nodded.  
"I am...sleep Handsome."  
He said answered something she didn't understand before he fell back to sleep. Derek needed it, he'd been awake many hours the last two days, just because of her.  
Slowly, Penelope pulled out of his arms and slowly sat up. She decided to surprise him with coffee. Slowly heading to the living room, Penelope first took her medicine. She still didn't feel that nauseous and was grateful for that. Penelope then went right to the kitchen, preparing some coffee for Derek. She would stick to chamomile tea for another while. In the fridge Penelope found some of the smoothies, Derek had served her yesterday, and decided to try it this morning. She felt hungry but didn't want to have too much so this would be just right. Pouring herself a glass full, Penelope suddenly felt the strong arms of Derek around her waist.  
"Good morning, Baby Girl."  
"I show you a good morning, Hot Stuff!" Smiling, she leaned herself against his bare chest.  
"I see, you feel better today," he answered with a bright smile in his voice.  
"I do. Just like I said it."  
"You have to take it slow though."  
Smiling, Penelope put the class on the counter in front of her and turned around in Derek's arms.  
"And I will. But it feels too good, not being nauseated."  
Derek smiled at her and tenderly kissed her forehead. Something had changed in his behavior towards her since yesterday, Penelope realized it as soon as his lips touched her forehead. But she liked it, liked it a lot, to be honest.  
Penelope put both her hands on his chest as she looked him in the eyes.  
"I totally understand it Baby Girl. I'm glad you feel better," Derek answered silently.  
"I'm glad too," she answered, not averting her eyes from his. What had changed since yesterday? Penelope couldn't put her finger on it, but it almost felt like he was attracted to her. Never that could happen, Penelope knew it. Maybe it was just her hormones playing games with her. Derek hadn't loved her for the last fifteen years, why should he start now?  
"Coffee?" She asked after a moment. It wasn't that she was uncomfortable with the way Derek was acting, she was just...confused.  
"Yes, sure," Derek eventually answered, releasing her out of his arms. "Want some too?" He asked, but Penelope shook her head.  
"I prefer some tea, Handsome. My stomach still hurts a bit," Penelope answered, and Derek nodded in understanding.  
They got their breakfast ready in silence and decided to have it on the couch. Penelope decided to stick to the smoothie and some tea, while Derek made himself something more to eat.  
"Are you alright with that? Not nauseous or something?"  
"No! Just eat! My Knight needs his strength. Enjoy it for me though, as long as I cannot have something like you."  
"Alright, Baby Girl," Derek answered after she softly nudged him to his side.  
"That smoothie is quite good as well, your mom knows what's good."  
"She has a lot of experience, and I bet she's glad to be able to help."  
"Don't forget to thank her if you talk to her next time."  
"I will," Derek answered smiling while he ate his breakfast. "She wants to know if it helped anyway, so if you want to, we can call her later."  
"Yes, sure, but first, I need a shower and some fresh air," Penelope answered, which caused Derek to snort in amusement.  
"Alright alright, you definitely feel better, Baby Girl,"  
She just shrugged and leaned back into the couch. It was always like this, two days she felt like shit after her treatment and then, everything was getting better. She still felt very weak, but Penelope needed a hot shower and some sunshine on her skin. She didn't know how to manage both, but she would make it. Closing her eyes for a moment, Penelope rested for a moment before she would head to the bathroom.  
"Hey, do you need help?" Derek asked her suddenly.  
"Maybe, but I don't know. I'll try it on my own."  
"Leave the door open, just in case?" Derek asked her. Penelope nodded in agreement. "And call me if you need anything. Don't be ashamed."  
"I will and won't, I promise," she answered. Somehow Derek had managed it that she felt less ashamed than before. Penelope knew she was just a shadow of herself, but Derek always made her feel better.  
"Good, that's all I wanted to hear, Baby Girl," Derek answered, and suddenly, Penelope felt one of his arms around her shoulder. She leaned her head against him, not able to stop a smile. Derek squeezed her for a moment. "I'm here if you need me for anything."  
"Oh-oh-oh Handsome, anything? You sure?" She grinned a bit, which caused Derek to chuckle.  
"Anything, just like I told you Dollface, anything."  
"Promises, promises!" Penelope answered amused, causing Derek to laugh.  
"Wait until I show you I meant it." His voice, more sincere than ever before. Penelope opened her eyes and looked at him slightly surprised.  
"Oh, I always will wait for my beloved Chocolate Thunder."  
Smiling she pulled out of his embrace, slowly rising to her feet. "But now, I gotta have my shower," she said to him. Penelope headed to the bathroom and left the door open. Just in case. She felt safer with Derek around. Indeed, she hadn't actually showered since she was that sick. Feeling too weak most times she'd decided to have a quick wash. Undressing, Penelope didn't risk a look in the mirror. Pulling off her headscarf, she let everything fall to the ground and climbed into the shower. Penelope turned the water on and enjoyed the warm water for a while until cleaning up herself. She felt so much better when she turned the water off. Slowly climbing out of the shower, Penelope sat down on the toilet seat first, feeling a little bit dizzy. The feeling wouldn't go away, so she decided to call for her handsome help who appeared only seconds later. Penelope didn't care for being naked, she just concentrated on not falling to the ground.  
"Dizzy?" Derek asked her after he wrapped a towel around her. Penelope nodded, trying to focus on her breathing. It didn't take Derek long to pull her into his arms and carry her to the bed. He laid her down, placed a pillow under her legs.  
"Rest a moment, Baby Girl. You'll feel better soon."  
Penelope nodded, indeed feeling better as soon as she was laying on the bed. She closed her eyes and sighed.  
"I'm sorry, I'm causing so much work for you," she managed to say eventually as Derek covered her naked body with a blanket.  
"You're not. It was too much for you. Next time, I'm going to join you to make it easier for you."  
"You don't have to. You're already doing so much for me, Handsome," Penelope answered.  
"And I want to. I will stay behind you with closed eyes if you think that's it and I will wear my underwear. You have nothing to be ashamed of."  
"I'm not...but Derek."  
"Not but's no if's Baby Girl, I'm here with you, and if you need help, you'll get it from me that's a fact."  
She smiled slightly and nodded. "Alright alright, got it." Slowly opening her eyes, Penelope tilted her head to look at Derek, who was sitting beside her.  
"Better?"  
"Yes...I'm sorry..."  
"Don't. You wanted a shower I can understand that. Maybe you should rest for a while. We can go outside later."  
"Maybe you're right," she gave in and closed her eyes, just to open them again. "Wake me up if I sleep too long!" She begged him, and Derek smiled. He lifted his hand and cupped her cheek lovingly, slowly stroking her cheekbone.  
"I will Baby Girl, take your nap, I'll wake you up, I promise," he whispered and lovingly kissed her forehead. Penelope smiled and closed her eyes again, falling asleep almost immediately. Two hours later, she woke up on her own, laying on her side, feeling a lot better. She could hear the TV and from her position could see Derek sitting on the couch, watching a movie.  
Slowly, Penelope sat up and saw clothes, already prepared for her laying on her nightstand. She slowly put them on and then, made her way into the living area to Derek. He, indeed, jumped from the couch as soon as he saw her.  
"Hey, do you feel better?" Derek asked her, looking concerned at her. He wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her, not that it was needed right now, but Penelope leaned into him anyway.  
"I do feel better, thank you," she answered honestly. "I'm ready for some sun on my skin." So badly, Penelope needed to see something else besides her apartment. She didn't want to walk around too much, couldn't to be honest, but she wanted to sit down on a bench and enjoy watching other people. That would be too nice.  
"Then let's go, I already packed a bag."  
"Thank you so much Hot Stuff, I really appreciate it." Penelope hoped she would be able to make it up to Derek at some point. If she made it out alive, she would make everything up to Derek.  
"I know, Baby Girl. Let's get you out of here for a while."  
Penelope nodded in agreement. They left her apartment and headed to his SUV. Derek helped Penelope inside, and as soon as he sat in the car too, they drove to a park. They strolled through it until Penelope needed a break again. Sitting down on a bench, Penelope leaned her head against Derek's shoulder, knowing he would wrap an arm around her.  
"You good?" He asked her and Penelope nodded, closing her eyes.  
"Just enjoying, it's such a lovely day," she answered smiling. She hadn't been able to enjoy days like this for a long while and was glad, Derek had given her this opportunity to feel this good again.  
"It is...," Derek answered, holding her in his arms, so Penelope could just focus on the sun, the birds, listen to kids laughter. She didn't know how long they sat there in silence, but it felt good, too good.  
"Derek?"  
"Penelope?"  
"Do you still want Hank to come to me at the weekend?" She asked him. Penelope had thought about it since they were sitting on this bench. Listening to the laughter of children all around her, made her miss her godson very much. And God alone knew, how long she would be able to see him.  
"Just if you agree and feel good. I don't want you to do anything you don't want."  
"I want to see him. I miss that little rug rat so much. Apparently, I would be so glad if you would bring him over on Friday," she said. Penelope had decided to do just what she wanted. Who knew how her therapy would end? If she wouldn't make it out alive or would be too weak to spend time with her godson, Penelope would regret it.  
"Then I'll bring him to you. Hank misses you so much, and I bet he's the happiest boy ever if I tell him, where we're going to spend the weekend." Penelope smiled while listening to Derek. She was so fortunate to hear these words. Honestly, Penelope had thought that Hank already had forgotten her. But the little guy hadn't, and Penelope felt her eyes getting wet at the thought of it. She'd always loved that little boy, as soon as she held him for the first time, shortly after Hank was born. It had been love at first sight, and Penelope was the happiest woman on earth when Derek had told her, she would be Hank's godmother. Sure, sometimes, Penelope had wished, that she was Hank's mom, not Savannah, but all the time, Penelope had managed to put these thoughts far, far away.  
"I can't wait to see him again," Penelope admitted, opening her eyes for a moment. She couldn't wait for the weekend to come.  
"I'm glad to hear that, Baby Girl. I was afraid it would be too much for you. Thank you for trying. If it is too much at any point, you just have to tell me, alright?"  
"I will, but it won't be too much. I'll take my rest when needed, but you, my Chocolate Thunder and that precious son of yours will never be too much for me." Penelope said with a smile. "I love both of you so much," she added silently. It was a fact, she loved these two people more than anything in her life.  
"Be sure Baby Girl, we love you too. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm glad you didn't throw me out of your apartment a few days ago."  
"I could never send you away, Handsome. You're too important. And honestly, I didn't have the strength," Penelope added joking, causing Derek to snort in amusement.  
"I'm glad anyway, Baby Girl, thank you."  
Derek cradled her a little bit more to his chest, which caused Penelope to smile again. It was a good day, she decided. She felt good and was happy. Soon, she would see her godson again. Yes, this was a good day.


	5. Chapter 5

The week went by fast, and soon, it was Friday.   
Derek would leave Penelope for a while to pick up Hank from the kindergarten, just like he'd promised to Savannah.   
"Are you certain, to stay here on your own?" Derek asked her for the hundredth time, watching her with concern. Penelope nodded and smiled a bit in his direction. She was so pale today, Derek indeed didn't want to leave her alone, even if it was for only a few hours.   
"Yes, I'm sure...I'm fine, Derek. Really. I have been on my own many time before you were with me. See? I'm still alive," she answered, with a little smirk. Honestly, she wasn't okay, and both of them knew it.   
Penelope felt better, indeed.   
But she was weak.   
Was dizzy very often.   
Penelope needed his help, and both of them knew that also.   
"I want to take a siesta while you are gone, have some rest. I don't want to be tired when my precious godson finally arrives," she argued before Derek even could say a word. "I want to listen to everything he thinks is mattering to him, so I have to be wide awake Hot Stuff. I haven't seen him for a whole year, we have to catch up on many things. And if I drive with you, I'm going to be all tired until we're back and that's no option Mr. Hot and Sexy!"   
Derek smirked a little, not breaking eye contact with the woman in front of him. He was sure, she knew for herself that she couldn't stay vigilant that long. But Penelope was excited beyond words to see Hank again. Derek eventually got Penelope's point, he couldn't wait to see his son also. But unlike Penelope, Derek had been able to see Hank as often as he wanted in the last year. And he wasn't that desperately ill, he had all the time in the world with his son.   
"Alright alright, Dollface. You win," smirking he planted a tender kiss on her forehead.   
"Thank you, my Chocolate Adonis," she answered and snuggled herself into his embrace as soon as he opened his arms to her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, shifting closer to his body. Penelope needed his warmth, she always felt so cold. Derek willingly held her in his arms, cradling her close to his chest. It felt good having Penelope so close. The knowledge he could do something good for her, just by keeping her in his arms made him feel better also.   
"How long do you plan on being away?" Penelope asked after a moment. Derek slowly ran his hand up and down her spine, while he thought for a second.   
"I think maybe three hours, depends on the traffic, though. I want to pick up some dinner on our way back. Any wishes Princess?" With a little hope, Derek asked that. Penelope hadn't eaten a lot these past days. A little bit of soup here or some noodles there. Many things made her feel nauseous. Sometimes, even looking at food was sickening for her. Derek would ask her doctor and maybe his mom, if there was anything, he could do to help her.   
Anyway, Penelope was getting weaker, Derek could see it, even if he was just a few days in her company.   
JJ had seen it too. Derek had recognized the concern in his friend's eyes as she'd visited them yesterday.   
"I would love to have some Chinese food," Penelope suddenly answered and made him snap back into presence. Derek bent his head just to see her colorful headscarf. He really was surprised by her words and wanted to know if she was joking.   
"Chinese?"   
"Yes, I think that would be very nice. I haven't eaten that in a while." She tilted her head to look at his surprised face and soon, her own face crumbled. "Oh no...wait let me guess, Hank doesn't like Chinese food, right? I thought he liked it, but things can change in a year. We don't have to have Chinese food then...," she began to say, but Derek stopped her when he kissed her forehead yet again.   
"Stop it motor mouth. I'm just surprised you want to eat something besides soup and noodles. But hell yes, Chinese food it is then," Derek told her smiling, he was glad she wanted some real food. Penelope nodded slowly and smiled right back at him for another while. Derek found himself staring at her too, she was the most beautiful sight ever. Why hadn't he realized it earlier?   
"Thank you, Hot Stuff," she whispered and leaned her head back against his chest, sighing when he repeated the caressing up and down her spine.   
"Feels good?" Derek asked silently, receiving only a nod in response. Smiling he kept doing his movements for another while. If there was something he could do or made her feel better, Derek was all in straight away.   
After a moment Derek walked her back to her bed.   
Penelope wanted to rest that was good, better than running around on her own and passing out on the floor. Derek tucked her in and sat down beside his best friend for a moment.   
His best friend, who he happened to love.   
Derek hadn't realized when exactly it had happened, but he didn't care. He just realized how much he'd missed the whole time he'd been with other women. Even Savannah had never been able to catch up with Penelope. And that was when he realized why Savannah had been jealous all the time, and what JJ had meant a few days ago. They all had seen that Derek hopelessly was in love with Penelope Garcia. Maybe, he would talk to JJ about it. He hat to sort out his thoughts. Usually, Penelope had been the one, he would talk to about his feelings, but now that she was the reason for them, he couldn't talk to her.   
Hopefully, Penelope would get a second chance. He would tell her he loved her and maybe, just maybe, there was a possibility that Penelope had the same feelings toward him. Smiling at her, he cupped Penelope's cheek with his big palm.   
"See you in a few hours Sweetness. Call me if something's wrong." Penelope smiled at him, all so tenderly and nodded.   
"I promise, I'll do that, my Noir Hero. I'm going to miss you," Penelope answered, looking at him with the most loving expression on her face. Derek hadn't seen that look on the face of any other woman before. Not even Savannah had happened to look at him like he was her everything. It was just her, Penelope, who looked at him like this.   
Did she already have the same feelings toward him? Derek wondered.   
"Thank you Baby Girl. I'm going to miss you too!"   
"Take care."   
"I will."   
Derek planted a soft kiss on her cheek before he rose to his feet again. He left the apartment before he wouldn't be able to do so. God, how much Derek loved Penelope. Again, he asked himself why hadn't he realized it earlier? Derek headed to his car and climbed behind the steering wheel. Starting his SUV, he drove off, to pick up Hank.   
His son already was waiting for him in front of the kindergarten. Derek stopped his SUV and walked towards his son to give him a big bear hug.   
"Hey man, I missed you!"   
"I missed you too, pops!"   
Smiling, Derek released his son out of his arms and looked at him for a moment. Hank used to call him pops, just like Derek had called his own dad when he was younger.   
"Let's go, see your auntie?"   
"YES!" The boy called out, beyond excited. "I can't wait to see auntie Penelope again!"   
They headed towards his car, and as soon as both of them sat, their seatbelts fastened, they headed back to Penelope. Derek talked to Hank about Penelope's disease so the boy wouldn't be too surprised by her appearance. Hank, to Derek's surprise, was very understanding as he listened to all his father's words. The little boy asked him many questions, and Derek answered them the best he could.   
On their way, they picked up some food from Penelope's favorite Chinese. Derek still knew what his Baby Girl loved to eat, never, he would forget all the things including Penelope.   
Hank jumped out of the car, as soon as Derek had stopped the SUV. He followed Hank slowly and found the door to Penelope's apartment door open when he arrived.   
Anxious for a second, Derek hurried inside the apartment, just to see his son and Penelope huddled up to one another on the floor of her living area.  
Derek couldn't stop staring at this view in front of him. Smiling he watched the two most essential humans in his life for a while before he decided to set the table.   
"Time to eat you two," he said, kneeling down beside Penelope and Hank, which were still cuddling with each other on the floor.   
Both nodded and let go of each other.   
Penelope's tearful eyes met his and Derek smiled softly at her. Was so glad to see her happy. He helped her back to her feet, awhile Hank did that on his own to have a seat at the kitchen table.   
"Did you have a restful nap, Baby Girl?"   
"Yes, thank you Handsome, it was just what I needed besides you and my gorgeous godson," she answered, as they sauntered towards the kitchen table. Derek helped her to sit down and planted a gentle kiss on her colorful head scarf.   
The three of them then ate together.   
It wasn't silent, because Penelope wanted to hear everything, Hank had to tell her, and that was plenty. Hank talked about his friends, the games he loved to play and all the things, Penelope had missed. Hank didn't miss out just one thing. She listened carefully to every word he said, and Derek just kept observing the two of them. It was evident that the two had missed each other a lot. Relieved, to give Penelope the opportunity to see her godson again, Derek smiled to himself. Being able to provide the most important woman in his life with a treat was all he wanted, and he was fortunate because it had worked out just like he wanted it. Knowing, he'd done the right thing, bringing Hank with him, Derek just enjoyed the time with his most beloved people in the world.

* * *

* * *

Hank was so felicitous to see his godmother again. It had been more than a year, and Hank had missed her very very much, especially on Christmas or his birthday. She'd been visiting him as often as possible, at least, once a week. Penelope often had brought his godfather Spencer, who Hank also was named after, with her. That always had been the most fun.   
Uncle Spencer was a magician, he'd shown his newest tricks continuously on his auntie. Hank had loved to see her laughing or cheering up for Spencer. That was, what had made him happy at any time. But, one year ago, these things had stopped entirely, because his auntie Penelope wasn't allowed to see him anymore. Never, his godmother had forgotten to send him presents, and a card with words he wasn't able to read yet. He had to ask his mom for reading them to him all the time. But he'd missed her also because she was so jolly and he loved her profoundly.   
He'd asked for her very often, but his mom hadn't allowed him to see her, which Hank hadn't understood. Auntie Penelope had been visiting them very often, and Hank had caught her and his mom having fun with each other. That had changed because, at some point, his mother had been very nasty to his auntie at the phone. Hank had heard that from time to time and so badly wanted to know why his mom was like that. Very quickly, he'd learned to not ask his mom, because she got furiously very fast if he did.   
Now, that he was with auntie Penelope again, despite his age, he understood.   
His godmother and his pops were in love with each other.   
Pops hadn't been like this to his mom ever since Hank could remember. He kept watching his pops the whole time during supper. He could see how much his dad cared about auntie Penelope. Hank hadn't ever noticed that when his pops was still living with them. His dad helped auntie Penelope selflessly as soon as she needed him.   
Hank felt bad for her being so ill. He wanted to help her too but couldn't do much. The only thing, his auntie, asked him for was to take it slow, even if she apologized for not being able to do many things with him. Like she'd done before.   
Hank didn't care.   
He just wanted to spend time with her, didn't need anything else. Auntie Penelope hugged him very often the first few hours and Hank loved that, so he decided to romp with her as often as possible as long as he could be with her. Snuggling against her on the couch, Hank felt the arms of his godmother around him. He looked up at her, just to see her watching him with a tearful smile.   
"I'm so happy that you're here, Hank," she told him softly, which made him grin.   
"I'm glad too, auntie!" He answered, fortunately.   
That was the best weekend in a long time for him.   
His godmother was very weak, and tired after they'd eaten together, so Hank had just asked her to watch the new Cars movie with him. Like his dad, Hank could realize very well when things were too much for other people. And Hank didn't care if he wouldn't have a lot of action this weekend. Honestly, he just enjoyed being together with his dad and auntie. His dad brought popcorn and some drinks, placed them on the small table in front of them before he sat down beside his auntie.   
Like it was the most natural thing in the world, his dad wrapped an arm around auntie Penelope and she, cradling Hank to her, leaned her head against his dad's shoulder. Hank had a perfect view to watch them.   
He liked how the two adults cared about each other.   
Liked it very much.   
His pops hadn't been that happy with mom, Hank knew that. Hank wasn't a fool, yet young, but anyone could have seen that. His mom hadn't been happy either. Hank hadn't understood it, but now that he was watching pops and auntie he knew what it meant to be happy with each other.


	6. Chapter 6

Penelope enjoyed the whole weekend with Hank and Derek so much, she didn't want it to end. Yet, the good times went by too fast as always. Hank was so patient, so lovely. It made her cry every time she thought about the little guy who reminded her so much of his father in every way. Penelope loved Hank so much and couldn't be more grateful for these few days, she had been able to spend with her godson. Who knew how many days more she would be able to see the little guy and have fun with him.  
Penelope hadn't been this fragile before, she knew something was wrong but hadn't admitted it to Derek yet. She would get to know it anyway on Monday morning. The medics in the hospital took her blood and vitals every week to make sure everything was alright, so, Penelope had decided to enjoy the weekend as much as she could. They hadn't done much, Penelope just hadn't been able to, but Hank telling her how happy he was to visit her, made her feel so much better. Hank had clung to her for the whole weekend. He hadn't cared one bit that they hadn't done many things besides watching movies, but Penelope vowed to herself that if she beat this sickness, she would make it up to Hank.  
They had said goodbye to each other an hour ago, and now, Penelope was laying on her bed, trying to get some rest. But she couldn't sleep, had to think about the weekend all the time. Penelope already was missing Hank so much it was awful, but she couldn't stop herself feeling like this. Derek would be back soon and honestly, Penelope couldn't wait for him to with her again. She'd gotten used to the warming comfort he gave her. Maybe she could rest when he was back.  
Slowly, Penelope swung her legs out of bed. She'd decided to have some ice cream and a TV show until Derek would show up again. A tough day was laying ahead, and Penelope didn't want to be all on her own. She couldn't sleep anyway, was restless for some reason. Slowly, she put on her glasses and walked over to the fridge, steadying herself here and there. Penelope took the ice cream, and a spoon and all so slowly walked over to her couch. Exhausted from that short walk, Penelope sat down on the comfortable space, she used to sit usually and covered her legs with her favorite blanket before she put on the TV and began to eat some of the ice cream. Putting the not nearly half-empty box on the table, Penelope leaned more into the pillows of the couch and continued to watch the TV show. She sat there for a while until her front door finally opened, revealing a tired looking Derek. As soon as he saw her sitting on the couch, his face lightened up with the brightest Derek Morgan smile.  
"You're awake," he said as he closed the door and walked to her. Derek sat down beside her, instantly pulling her into his arms. Penelope sighed, finally being able to relax. She couldn't believe how much she'd already gotten used to this.  
"I couldn't sleep without the arms of my Chocolate Adonis around me," she answered with a smile, wrapping her arms around him the best she could, melting into his embrace.  
Leaning her head against his well-formed chest, she finally felt at ease. Listening to his heartbeat, she found herself calming down with every beat. It was just Derek's presence making her able to relax.  
"And what's really wrong?" Derek asked her, already knowing that it wasn't just that.  
Sighing, Penelope tried to snuggle closer to the warmth of her Chocolate Adonis who was holding her.  
"I just don't want it to be Monday again. I have a bad feeling for tomorrow," Penelope gave in after a moment. Derek began to caress her arm up and down with his big palm.  
"You don't feel good, right?"  
Nodding slowly, Penelope waited for Derek's reaction.  
"I thought something like this, Baby Girl you could've told me."  
"I know. But I just didn't want to think about it, you know? The weekend was so precious, I didn't want to worry, and I didn't want you to do that either. I just wanted to enjoy the time with you and Hank."  
Feeling his lips through her headscarf, Penelope closed her eyes for a moment. God, how much she loved the man holding her in his firm, muscular arms.  
"Okay Baby Girl, I can't blame you for that, we had a great weekend. But thank you for telling me now. Is there anything I can do for you?"  
"Now that you're here? Nothing," she answered with a tender smile. Enjoying the closeness to Derek, that was what she'd needed most. And Derek yet again was more than willing to help her with that. Squeezing her softly, Penelope could hear Derek chuckling in amusement.  
"So simple? Then I'm glad I'm back."  
"Me too, Handsome, me too!"

 

* * *

* * *

 

The alarm clock rang early in the next morning. Too soon for Penelope's taste. She groaned silently turning to her side, just to realize the arms of Derek Morgan around her waist, holding her firmly to his body.  
"Good morning Baby Girl," he whispered in her ear, causing her to shiver. They'd always been close since they knew each other. But never like that. Penelope enjoyed it, even if she knew, Derek wouldn't handle like this if she would be healthy.  
"Good morning Hot Stuff," she whispered back, snuggling closer with her back to his chest. "Do we really have to get up already?"  
"I'm afraid we have to," Derek answered, squeezing her tenderly to him. "Any wishes for your breakfast?" He asked her. Penelope took a moment to think about it but shook her head.  
"Just that smoothie and a cup of tea. It'll come out anyway later," Penelope answered with a shrug. She knew it wouldn't last long until she would feel nauseous again.  
"Alright, princess. I gotta get our breakfast ready, take your time." Derek planted a soft kiss on her cheek before he let go of her to move out of bed.  
Penelope smiled a little and waited for another moment before she got out of bed too. She slowly headed to her bathroom and took a short shower. Putting on fresh clothes, Penelope risked a brief look at the mirror. She was so pale. Since Penelope had learned about her sickness, she didn't realize herself anymore. Averting her eyes from her mirror image, Penelope put on her headscarf and slowly headed to her kitchen. The lack of self-confidence was hard on her, but she just couldn't stop thinking about how dreadful she was looking. Penelope sat down on her usual chair, where Derek already hat put her smoothie and tea in front of.  
"Thank you handsome," she said silently, taking the cup of tea in both her hands, to have a sip.  
"Everything as you like it, Baby Girl?" Derek asked and sat down beside her, having a cup of coffee and his usual breakfast in his hands.  
"Yes, thank you," she said, smiling softly at his direction before she focused on her light breakfast.  
"Is everything alright?"  
Nodding carefully, Penelope put the cup back on the table, taking the smoothie afterward. "Sure handsome, I'm just a little off today. But I'm good."  
"Are you sure?" Derek leniently put her hand in his big palm. "You worry me Baby Girl."  
Penelope took a short glance at Derek, who knew her far too well. She should have known it.  
"It's insane, I know it, but I just looked at myself in the mirror and realized how awful I look, that's all, Hot Stuff. Nothing you have to take care of. Nothing you can take care of actually." Or want to, Penelope thought to herself as she put a fake smile on her lips. "So, you see? I'm good!" She said, averting her eyes so Derek wouldn't be able to see her eyes tearing up.  
"Yeah sure, Baby Girl, tell that to yourself," Derek muttered, but yet, Penelope could hear the empathy in his voice. She looked at him for a second, not being able to hide her tears. Feeling their moisture on her cheeks, Penelope turned a little away from Derek. She knew it was awful, Penelope had much more severe problems, but yet, she couldn't stop herself.  
"Hey, don't hide from me, Penelope. It's alright to feel that way, I do understand that" Derek's silently said. Penelope nodded, trying to wipe away her tears.  
"I'm so awful, I'm so sorry, Derek," she mumbled, ashamed of herself.  
"You're not, don't talk yourself into that. It's okay."  
"No, it's not. I should, really should worry about my sickness and not about how much I look like a piece of shit." Penelope side, unable to calm down, now that she'd told him what was wrong.  
She didn't hear Derek rose to his feet, so she was a little surprised as he kneeled down in front of her and all so tenderly wiped away her tears.  
"Baby Girl. You don't look like a piece of shit. You just appear like a person who's sick and is having a hard time, that's all. You're still the beautiful Goddess, I know. You'll be better, and your hair will grow again. You just have to be a little patient with yourself."  
Listening to his words, Penelope allowed herself to feel a little bit better, even if she couldn't stop weeping yet.  
"I'm so sorry," she whispered tearfully, utterly ashamed about her childish behavior.  
"Don't be, princess. We all have a bad day from time to time...come here," he said, opening his arms to her after he'd risen to his feet. Penelope welcomed his arms with a relieved sigh. For sure, Derek was able to make her feel better, there was no one else who could work this magic on her like he did. Penelope snuggled closer to his well-formed body as soon as he'd pulled her into a loving embrace. Leaning her head against his chest, Penelope closed her eyes until she felt able to relax and stop her tears.  
"You are beautiful, Penelope. Don't you dare and forget that." Derek whispered silently. Penelope chuckled a little amused.  
"You just try to make me feel better!"  
"And it works, because I'm telling the truth!" Derek answered, slowly caressing with his big palms up and down her spine. Penelope could hear the smile and truth in his words. She couldn't stop believing him.  
"You're right...," Penelope confessed. She, once more couldn't be more obliged for Derek being with her.  
"Of course I am," Derek admitted, planting a tender kiss on her forehead. "To me you are beautiful, Baby Girl, no matter what you think you are," he said, causing Penelope's eyes to tear up again.  
"You're too sweet Hot Stuff. I can't believe you mean that, but I appreciate your words."  
"Believe me, Sweetness, they're absolutely true."  
Penelope bent her head to look at his so beautiful, handsome face. What she saw there made her shiver and the beat of her heart speed up: so much adoration and love. Suddenly, she had a lump in her throat as she saw all these things in his face Penelope had wished to see for such a long time.  
Derek gently smiled at her as she held his gaze in disbelieve.  
"Cat got your tongue?" Derek asked. All of a sudden, Penelope realized how close they were, she could see all the wrinkles around his eyes, the one between his brows and also a few grey hairs in his beard. He looked stunning as he shot her a thousand-watt smile, the one she used to remember in every single night she felt lost and lonely.  
"I think so," Penelope only managed to answer as she looked deeply into his almost black eyes.  
Did he bend his head in her direction?  
Penelope closed her eyes, almost afraid, Derek would see the love she carried for him. He could never love her, the way she was hoping for. Not her. First, she wasn't his type, and second, she was fighting cancer and surely the ugliest person in the world, no matter what he told her.  
A moment later, she felt his forehead on hers, his breath on her skin. She shivered as she heard him saying the words, she always wanted to hear.  
"I love you Silly Girl, you know that, right?" Penelope knew he only loved her as a friend, maybe as a best friend, but she couldn't hide the fact that this time, his words sounded different.  
"I love you too, Hot Stuff," Penelope whispered, almost unable to say these words without beginning to weep again.  
"Baby Girl, look at me," Derek whispered, pulling away from her a little, so they could face each other. Slowly, Penelope opened her eyes just to be met with the same smiling face of Derek Morgan.  
"I meant what I said. I love you, Baby Girl," he said, all so serious. Penelope stared at him, opening and closing her mouth here and then, but found herself unable to answer. This must be a dream. These words, Derek couldn't mean them.  
"Derek...don't," she replied weakly. He couldn't do this to her, she couldn't bear it if he would make fun of her.  
"No, I mean it, I had a long time to understand it. But I love you. You are what I'm missing in my life. Being with you this week made me realize that, and I'm so sorry it took me so long."  
Penelope couldn't stop staring at him. But she believed him, like always. Derek never lied to her, he wouldn't do that. So, all so slowly, she put her hands on both his cheeks, caressing his cheekbones tenderly.  
"I love you too...for a very long time Derek Morgan," she whispered, unable to say these words out loud. "I love you so much."  
Derek pulled her into a firm embrace as soon as he heard these words from her. Penelope could listen to him exhale a shuddering breath as he did so. He must've been very nervous telling her this and this little fact made her smile.  
"We will figure everything out when you feel better, but be sure, Baby Girl, I won't leave you again, no matter what happens."  
Cradled in Derek's chest, Penelope swung her arms around Derek's neck and nodded slowly.  
"Thank you," she whispered, for what felt like the thousandth time but she had the need to say it out loud.  
"Let's get you to your appointment Baby Girl," Derek said, planting another kiss on her forehead.  
Penelope and Derek didn't lose contact with each other during the whole ride to the hospital. It was all pretty new for them, but somehow, Penelope had found some strength. Derek told her he loved her. She still could believe it, but somewhat, her life felt a little bit easier right now. Little did she know that it would get worse before everything would get better again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say it one more time: Penelope isn't going to die. This is just me dealing with some stuff in my private life :) I hope you like the first chapter anyway!


End file.
